With Splendour in the Grass around the corner, we felt compelled to share our top festival dos and don’ts.
1. Don’t use Happy High Herbs. As tempting as it might be to chase that organic dragon, the comedown is a bitch. Take it from a festival veteran: the 3 hour natural high isn’t worth the mood-swings and fetal rocking endured over the week following the event.
2. Don’t shelve, anything. Sure, we all get excited on the first day of a weekend-long festival, however, pacing yourself is incredibly important. You don’t want to visit the first aid tent on the morning of day two because you thought it’d be a good idea to insert a tab up your pooey-canoey, and run through a forest of brambles with a condom stretched over your head. Moderation is key.
3. Don’t let chicks ride your shoulders. Think about it: after a long day at a camping festival (particularly on day three), hygiene isn’t the best. You don’t want smelly vagina sweat on the back of your neck. Also, it’s annoying for the punters behind you.
1. Do be considerate of others. Everyone’s at the festival to have a good time and nobody likes a vibe-killer. Throwing shit at people, particularly acts because you fancy being a c*nt, is very uncool.
2. Do expose yourself. You’re on holiday, be a little risqué with your fashion choices. If nudity isn’t your thing, opt for a bulge/camel-toe defining pair of brightly-coloured leggings.
3. Do hit up the wine tents. Many accept cash (in addition to drink tokens) and serve up full strength booze as opposed to the watered down, festival versions of Coopers and Smirnoff.
Playing times and maps are now available via the Splendour in the Grass website. Make sure you read through all of the important event information provided and if you’re not camping on-site, purchase your shuttle bus tickets ASAP.